Some of the feelings experienced by women diagnosed with breast cancer are outlined below. Most women find that, over time, distressing feelings ease. Sharing your thoughts and feelings with others, even painful feelings, can help you cope with your diagnosis. However you feel, you might find it helpful to talk with one or more of the following: your specialist; breast care nurse; GP; psychiatrist; psychologist; counsellor; or other women who have had breast cancer.
Typical feelings:
- Shock
- Anger
- Isolation & lonliness
- Self blame
- Search for meaning
- Sadness or depression
- Anxiety or fear
Shock
You may think "This can’t be happening to me". You may have a sense of disbelief or unreality, or you may not realise what’s happening. You may feel like an outsider, looking at a scene that seems unreal.
Anger
You may think "Why me?" It’s natural at some stage to feel anger, envy and resentment. Maybe you feel envious of all the ‘healthy’ people you see, and resent that you have to cope with this diagnosis. You may be angry with your God or angry with your body, which you might feel has let you down. Maybe you feel angry because you have lost some control over a part of your life. Maybe you feel angry with the way a member of your treatment team has managed your situation. Perhaps you feel angry about lack of support from a partner, family member or close friend. Feeling like 'just a number’ or ‘just a breast’. You may feel that you’re being treated as a medical problem rather than a woman with a medical problem. This could be because of the tests and treatment you’re having, or because your surgeon or oncologist is focused only on the physical part of your diagnosis. “Initially you go through this ‘why did this happen to me, I’m a good person’. But I got past that and thought 'God doesn’t pick me, it’s just bad luck'. I thought ‘maybe this is just a test’.”
Sometimes doctors will pick up on concerns that you have, without you telling them. At other times, you may need to bring them up directly with your doctor. If, after talking with your doctor, you still feel your concerns are not being recognised, you could think about whether you’d like another doctor to treat you.
Some women find that bringing a friend or family member to appointments helps them to feel less like ‘just a number’ or ‘just a breast’.
Isolation and loneliness
At times you may feel alone or isolated. The intentions of others may be good, but sometimes people don’t know how to deal with cancer and the emotions it brings up. It could be that you feel people are avoiding you, or that they’re pretending everything is fine while carrying on normally with their lives. At times you could feel pressure to ‘be positive’, making it hard for you to talk about the things that matter to you. Feeling isolated is a possibility because you’re experiencing something that others have not been through. It can be hard to explain your experience to them.
Information pamphlets for family and friends of people with cancer are available from the Cancer Council's Cancer Helpline on 13 11 20.
Self-blame
Some women diagnosed with breast cancer feel they have somehow caused their illness, or are being punished for something they’ve done wrong. You could find yourself asking "Where did I go wrong?" or "What have I done to deserve this?" However, getting breast cancer is not within your control. There is nothing you have done to cause it. Some people believe that stress can make you get breast cancer however, there is no evidence that this is the case. “I seemed to be supporting more people than were supporting me.”
Search for meaning
A diagnosis of cancer often leads people to ask questions about the meaning of life, such as: "Am I living my life the way I want to?", "What is the meaning of life?", "Does God exist?". In these cases it could be helpful to talk to a counsellor, psychologist or psychiatrist, or a religious leader or representative.
Sadness or depression
Feelings of sadness or depression are a common reaction to experiencing a loss, such as losing your breast, being ill, or perhaps not being able to have more children. Some women feel their body has let them down.
Questions about depression:
- Have you lost interest and pleasure in work or other activities?
- Do you often feel a sense of hopelessness?
- Do you often feel guilty?
- Do you often feel a sense of worthlessness?
- Are you often tearful?
- Is it harder for you to laugh and see the funny side of things?
- Do you often get upset?
- Do you have difficulty sleeping?
- Do you feel less interest in seeing family or friends?
- Do you feel less motivated to organise activities or be involved in the regular daily activities?
- Do you feel ‘down’ a lot?
- Do you feel overwhelmed by your feelings and feel unable to control them?
- Sometimes when things seem hopeless it can feel too hard to keep going on.
- Do you ever feel like that?
- Would you say any of these feelings are suicidal?
If you answer ‘yes’ to some or all of the questions above, you may be experiencing some depression. Talk to your doctor, nurse, or another health care professional about how you’re feeling. If you are experiencing sadness or depression that makes you feel overwhelmed, talk to your doctor, nurse or other health care professional as soon as possible. Treatment for depression is available, and can help.
Anxiety or fear
Anxiety or fear is often felt in distressing situations. You could find yourself feeling anxious while waiting for test results, anxious about your treatment and its effect on you and your family, or anxious about the future.
Questions about anxiety:
- Do you frequently have worrying thoughts?
- Do worrying thoughts interfere with your daily life or relationships?
- Do you often feel tense and find it difficult to relax?
- Do you often feel irritable or angry?
- Do you have difficulty concentrating?
- Do you find it difficult to make decisions?
- Do you have difficulty sleeping?
- Do you get sudden feelings of panic? Or do you experience panic attacks, with a feeling of dread, difficulty breathing, or fear of dying?
- Have you developed phobias or have any phobias become worse? (Examples of phobias include: intense fear of needles, intense fear of closed spaces, and intense fear of social situations).
- Do you often avoid distressing issues and situations?
If you answer ‘yes’ to some or all of the questions above, you could be suffering some anxiety. Talk to your doctor, nurse, or other health care professional about this. If you are experiencing anxiety or fear that makes you feel overwhelmed, talk with your doctor, nurse, or other health care professional as soon as possible.
