“My 15-year old son didn’t say much, but my 11-year-old daughter was full of questions – was Mum going to be OK? How long would this take? Did this mean she might get breast cancer as well?”
It is a good idea to read up on the impact breast cancer can have on children. Ask your children about the concerns they may have.
The children may ‘play up.’ Talking to them about their concerns, understanding what is underlying their behaviour, will help you both cope and should help improve their behaviour.
We've recently published a new website for teenagers myparentscancer.com.au, please recommend this site to your children if they are aged between 13-19 years.
- What they’re feeling?
Children whose mother has breast cancer are anxious about the health of the well parent. They fear abandonment, especially young children. They may become clinging or if they are too young to express themselves, demonstrate behaviour changes and really 'push the limits'.
You may find it hard talk to your children about the cancer but studies have shown that a good relationship and emotional connection with the well parent promotes adjustment in the child.
- Talking to teenagers
- The important messages.
There are some important messages to get across to teens: They are not alone. Explain to them that they are not the only one going through this experience. They can make a difference. There are people who can help them.
- Explore the way they are feeling.
Make sure they understand that it is OK to feel confused, angry or upset. Everyone else feels the same.
- Provide some positive action they can take
Suggest they talk to someone about the impact the cancer is having on their life. Help them find out as much information as they need to feel able to cope.
- The important messages.
- Resources
- Helping Your Children Cope With Your Cancer: A Guide
for Parents and Families by Peter Van Dernoot, (2002).
Hatherleigh Press, New York, New York. ISBN: 1-57826-105-8.
An instant support group for families with 25 essays written
by professionals, parents, and children. The essays written
by parents give specific advice about how to help a child
deal with a parent's cancer. The children's touching essays
describe feelings of fear and regret in the face of a parent's
illness.
- Helping Children Cope with the Loss of a Loved One, A Guide for Grownups by William C. Kroen, (1996). Minneapolis, MN: Free Spirit Publishing. ISBN: 1-57542-000-7. Contains helpful topics for adults who need to explain the loss of a loved one to a child: help children understand death, help children work through their grief, offers suggestions for remembering and celebrating the life of those lost, and how to help children move forward with life afterward.
- Helping Your Children Cope With Your Cancer: A Guide
for Parents and Families by Peter Van Dernoot, (2002).
Hatherleigh Press, New York, New York. ISBN: 1-57826-105-8.
An instant support group for families with 25 essays written
by professionals, parents, and children. The essays written
by parents give specific advice about how to help a child
deal with a parent's cancer. The children's touching essays
describe feelings of fear and regret in the face of a parent's
illness.
