“ I was constantly asking myself how should I react or behave in the presence of my wife and family. Should I be the stoic one, facing the challenges and fears in an unemotional manner that might show courage to my children, or should I let them see me weep and peek into the ache that constantly lay heavy on my heart?”
“The illusion of control in one’s life disappears.”
You don’t have to pretend everything’s OK. It isn’t.
Breast cancer has a huge collateral impact on those close to the affected woman. The effect of this impact on the woman’s loved ones is not always acknowledged.
The woman you love has been diagnosed with a potentially life-threatening illness. She may need to have a breast removed. She may be sick for a long time. She might be ashamed of her body. She may not be able to live the life she once did. You will have to fill some new roles to compensate. You may have to take on more responsibility at home. You will have to fit visits to hospital and doctor around your schedule.
The control you might have thought you had over your life has vanished.
It is hardly surprising therefore that most men in this situation struggle to come to terms with their new situation. If you are struggling, you’re normal.
You probably don’t really know what you are up against. Or whether you will be able to cope. Join the vast majority of men in your situation. Acknowledge these feelings, and decide to work on understanding them, communicating them, and gradually getting them under control.
You owe it to yourself, and to the woman you love to do so. If you are an emotional mess you can’t support the woman you love the way you want to, or in the way she needs you to.
